Vomit. Upchuck. Throw chunks. The list of synonyms is endless as well, as the amount of times vomit finds its way into my life. Don’t worry it’s not because of me. First encounter: I was starving reading the LAX map searching for some good grub. We were landing and hit a bit of turbulence and all of a sudden I heard a waterfall in the near distance. The late twenty year old had just spewed all over himself and I was seated right next to him. I quickly handed him a vomit bag and buzzed the stewardess who refused to get up because we were landing. The guy said “no no I’m fine I don’t need the bag”. Then we hit a tiny bump and up came his breakfast. Lesson: don’t party before flying. Second encounter: I was flipping through Home Décor with my headphones on when all of sudden I had that feeling that something wasn’t right. I turned around to see the Multimag employee puking in a garbage bag. The other two people in the store ignored what was going on. Lesson: turn up earphone volume. Third encounter: I was at a staff party trying to sleep while everyone partied past three when a friend jumped into the bed near me. Then I heard him burp followed by some more waterfall sound effects. I couldn’t sleep the rest of the night because every time I closed my eyes that’s all I could hear. Lesson: lock all doors before trying to sleep at parties. Fourth encounter: I was shopping in a mall and walked by a child who had projectile vomit. Lesson: stay away from kids. Fifth encounter: this past weekend I was animating/dancing at a bar mitzvah (yes that’s one of my jobs) and I had to chaperon the kids back to the city. We all got off the bus and this kid just sat on the ground near his luggage. I asked if he was okay. He said he gets sick when he’s tired. Then boom. Twice. Right there in front of all the other children. Lesson: don’t drink chocolate milk before getting on a bus. Whatever happened to the fake vomit they used to sell at the Ben and Jerry’s factory in Vermont? I used to think that was so cool. I think I’ve shared enough right?
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